 |
|
Matt Nicholson is the Publisher of Darker Pleasures, the Internet's only e-zine that focuses on breast bondage and tit torture. You can find these articles, fully illustrated with high quality photographs, plus tens of thousands of other original photographs, stories, art, and much more erotic breast and nipple torture, when you subscribe to Darker Pleasures.
While cruising the net for breast torture-related stuff that you folks might get a kick out of, I sometimes happen on a bit of interesting tit trivia. If it has to do with tying them up or torturing them, it’s probably already been covered in one my other articles, particularly the Breast Punishment Primer, but the non-torture tit bits haven’t found a home. With that in mind, I decided to put together a quickie with all this good stuff. So, without further adieu, I give you… Tit Trivia 101. WHAT'S IN A NAME? The word breasts appeared in Europe in the 11th century as bhreus, "to well or sprout." "Tit" dates at least to the 16th century but referred then only to the nipple, which is likely from nib, the point of a quill pen. • Shakespeare called breasts "chalky cliffs." Ah… you know, now I know why I wasn’t ever a Shakespeare fan. Chalky cliffs? • The German word for nipple is Brustwarze, or "breast wart." Oh, now there’s a turn on. Isn’t the German population on the decline? • By the 18th century they had become kettledrums, globes, blubber bags, dumplings and diddies. Blubber bags, that one had to come from Germany, too. • By the 19th century it was top buttocks, berkeleys, buffers, charlies, nature's founts, panters or toora-looras. Isn’t there a lullaby called “Toora-loora…” something? • More recently -- 1930s: boobies, fried eggs, knobs, knockers, the twins. Well, besides the Great Depression we now know something else enduring that came from this era. • 1940s: balloons, boobs, maracas, pair. I guess they were too busy working their way out of that Great Depression thing to use their imaginations much. • 1950s: cans, jugs, lungs, melons, bazooms, TNTs (two nifty tits), gazongas, goonas, snorbs, hooters, wallopies, nay nays, milk bar, shock absorbers. Should I be proud that I was born in that decade? • 1960s: baby bumpers, bazookas, funsacks, rack, chabobs, chichibangas, credentials, nice pair of eyes, tremblers. Psychadelic drugs rule! • 1970s: honkers, mammaries, bazongas, chalubbies, dangleberries, glands, tit lottery (beauty contest). They just now came up with mammaries? • 1980s: tatas, flight deck, handles, balangas, bazoombas, num-nums, bongos, top set. Num-nums? This and Boy George pretty much sums up that decade, huh? • 1990s: fuck udders, puppies, rib cushions, shoulder boulders, chebs, chest flesh, ditties, fleshy bagpipes, nards, nugs, willets. Yes, we are degenerating. I much preferred the ‘30’s. • There are names for tits that begin with every letter of the alphabet but one, that being “X.” BREAST ANATOMY AND YOU When a woman gets horny, her nipples usually become hard. But when she gets closer to coming, they get smaller. That's because tits swell the more sexually excited a gal gets, and the areola expand. Once she finally comes, the areola quickly shrink, which is a good indicator that she wasn't faking. Of course that’s not written in stone. • Just because a gal has perky nubbins doesn't always mean she's ready to get it on. We all know she could be chilly, especially if you’re big into outdoor torment during a snowstorm. Here’s one you probably didn’t know. At least I didn’t. She could also be nervous. You might wanna keep that in mind as you’re coming at her tits with the 98 strand braided leather bullwhip with diamond titanium tips and not just assume she wants it. . . if it matters. While you’re doing that, I’m going to re-examine what I’ve thought was my great prowess all this time. • Size has nothing to do with sensitivity. Women with large breasts are more sensitive to shoulder rubs since all that extra weight has to be supported somewhere. Something else to keep in mind after you’ve been making ‘em bounce like basketballs for an hour. • The average au natural breast weighs about 10 ounces, measures around four inches across, and is 2.5 inches, give or take from the chest wall to the nipple. • Only about one in 800 women has tits that are the same size, but they're usually close, and many women aren't sure which is larger and even guess wrong until they're measured. • One 14-year-old had real breasts weighing 16 lbs. and a woman of thirty had some monster mommas weighing 21 pounds - each. • Then there’s the topless photo of a woman with 44-pound breasts measuring 33 inches in circumference - purely for those of a scientific interest, of course. • The term for excessively developed breasts is hypertrophy. Which might also account for the development of the word trophy. One or two percent of women and men have polymastia, or more than two breasts, or polythelia, more than two nipples. I imagine all these gals are locked away by their significant others. A woman has two nipples because, like many mammals, because she usually gives birth to one child at a time. Thus, leaving one for her significant other. Women are the only primates with permanently enlarged breasts (in others, they appear only during lactation). Hypotheses as to why this evolved are: • To allow an early woman to show a suitor that she eats well enough to have stored excess fat, making her a good candidate to bear and suckle his kids. • To bring the nipple to the infant's mouth, since there's no chest hair for the kid to pull itself up with and because it might otherwise be smothered by Mom's chest. • To act as a flotation device for the kid while crossing deep rivers. • Because STDs wiped out the flat-chested women, who appeared not to be lactating and got more action. • For no good reason. The average breast size in Europe today is said to be 36C, up from a 34b in just the last ten years. "And why might that be," you ask? • Many folks think that boobs are getting bigger by evolutionary design – men like big tits, they marry gals with big tits, they have baby girls that grow up to have big tits, and the cycle continues – while littler breasted women are slowly being pushed out of the evolutionary process. • Scientific and social changes, such as the introduction of the birth control pill and different dietary standards have made them bigger. • Men, women and children may be drawn to them because we’re naturally attracted to round objects, such as faces or the moon. And the bigger the moon, the better. • We love boobs because boobs resemble buttocks, another evolutionary thing. See, in the cave days, cavewomen (and other female primates in heat) displayed their tush to let everyone know they were ready for sex. Once we started walking upright, breasts developed as a way for them to arouse males without bending over, coming or going. • Women who have a relatively low waist-to-hip ratio and large breasts have 30 percent higher levels of the female reproductive hormone estradiol than do women with other combinations of body shapes, which makes them 30% more likely to get pregnant. The problem with this hypothesis is that men in many cultures aren't obsessed with breasts. Less than one quarter of tribes surveyed in an anthropological study valued large breasts. It wasn’t until modern history that much of society has come to find them sexual at all, and that is thought to be a result of religious taboos placed on them. Talk about backfiring, huh? Lucky for us, I guess. Of course, there’s always this argument to refute the “breasts are just another body part” people - 1% of American women can have an orgasm simply through breast stimulation. I challenge you to find me a stat that says 1% of American women can climax simply through. . . oh. . . elbow stimulation. THE TITZLING Before the advent of the bra, women wore corsets to support and shape the hips, waist, and bust all at once. Contrary to popular believe, Otto Titzling did not invent the bra. In fact, to the best of my knowledge, there’s no such guy. In the 4th and 5th centuries in Rome, the only women who wore any garment specifically designed for breasts were athletes, physical laborers, and women with very large bosoms. Marie Phelps, who first patented the modern bra in America conceived of it with her French maid, who cobbled it together from two white handkerchiefs, a strand of pink ribbon and a piece of cord. It debuted in New York high society in 1913. Patented in 1914, the bra was designed to flatten and deemphasize tits. During the 1920s manufacturers added elastic and metal fasteners. In the 1930s they introduced a strapless version and cup sizes. The push-up bra was designed in 1990. And here I thought it was much earlier than that. The biggest selling bra color is white. Sorry, all you black and red lace-lovers. Researchers recommend that women limit the time they wear a bra to no more than twelve, or even eight hours a day. Might I recommend that the other twelve to sixteen hours be spent nude, in a dungeon, practicing auditions for Darker Pleasures? Unsupported breasts bounce as much as 14 centimeters (that’s about seven inches) during heavy exercise. That’s both vertical and horizontal, by the way. The normal bra only reduces said bounce by 38%, but the Shock Absorber bra can reduce it by up to 74%, really ruining all the fun. But they make up for it with their ad. (Though I may lose some subscribers to this incredible free interactive playtoy, I’ve been dying to stick this somewhere. Heck, I’m tempted to spend hours playing with it, myself.) ARE THEY REAL OR MEMOREX? Believe it or don’t, the Japanese were actually the first folks to use breast implants. • The Japanese prostitutes of post-World War II realized that the GIs were used to the larger American breasts of the women back home instead of their own relatively diminutive bosoms. • Japanese prostitutes used injections of saline solution or goat's milk to swell the breasts, but both were quickly absorbed into the body and caused infections. • Paraffin wax came next. Although it stayed in the bosom longer, the procedure was painful and the results were lumpy. Just the fact that the body can absorb paraffin wax is incredible. Maybe I need to add a chapter to my Primer. • Doctors then came up with the idea of injecting the women with liquid silicone, a brand new product from Dow Corning, which was inert but hard to find. The breasts could be greatly increased in size with a soft, natural feel. Silicone was not absorbed into the body so the look lasted, and complications were few. It didn't take long for news of this new wonder-chemical's magical breast-enhancement potential to travel back to American plastic surgeons. • By the 1950s, women were placing little bags of silicone in their bras to give the illusion of full breasts. • It wasn't until 1962 that Houston plastic surgeons Thomas Cronin and Frank Gerow decided to stick silicone bags directly into the breasts. That’s right, everything is bigger in Texas – one way or the other, dammit! • Dow began manufacturing gel bags for this express purpose. By the early 1970s, tens of thousands of women had received implants, and many surgeons became wealthy as a result. • But all was not rosy. Some women began to complain that their implants leaked. In 1977, a jury awarded a woman $170,000 for her leaky implants, so Dow brought out water-based bags in 1978. • More bad news was to follow. Many claimed that leaky silicone implants were causing health problems. In 1984, a woman won a court decision charging that implants cause autoimmune disease. The lawsuits continued, and by 1992, the FDA banned the use of silicone implants. A $4.25 billion settlement offer was made by Dow and others in 1994, and in May of 1995, Dow Corning filed for bankruptcy. • Interestingly, to this day, it has never been scientifically proven that the leaky implants caused the health problems that brought about the downfall of Dow Corning. • There were 200,000 breast implant procedures performed in 2002. • Two thousand of those operations were performed on girls under the age of eighteen. • Over ninety-seven percent of breast augmentation surgeries are performed on white women. • The number of breast augmentation procedures rose 500 percent in the last decade, with a ninety percent increase between 1997 and 1999. • The woman with the largest fake boobs is French porn star Lolo Ferrari. She underwent at least twenty-two augmentation operations to achieve her seventy-three-inch bustline. • According to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, 254,000 women had their breasts enlarged in 2003, while 113,000 had them reduced. • The easiest way to tell if a woman's breasts are natural is if they slide sideways with gravity as she lies on her back. • Only three Darker Pleasures gals have had breast implants. (Write me an e-mail telling me which three and I’ll figure out something special to send you.) AND IN THE "I HAVE NO PLACE ELSE TO PUT THIS" SECTION... Actress and former Vegas showgirl Valerie Perrine (famous for her award winning role as Lex Luthor’s girlfriend in the Superman movies) becames the first woman to bare her breasts on TV during PBS' adaptation of the play Steambath. WHO NEEDS ASTROLOGY? Sternomancy, the art of telling fortunes by the shape of a female breast, appeared in Spain in the 18th century. Since that time, the science has advanced considerably, as you’re about to see (pretty much quoted verbatim from the source since these could really get me in trouble with some of you gals)… • Fox-nosed breasts (curved like a spring-board) - These gals have Nordic tempers and keen brains. They’re industrious as a rule which helps them become middle-rank managers. It is infrequent that such women attain high positions in business. They are rather lazy to take the initiative. These women easily adapt to living with any man, making them good and faithful wives who are at the same time insatiable and rather inventive in bed. • Round breasts - It may take men much effort to make these women come, but they’re ready to try any position in bed to make their men really happy. Such gals don’t like changing sex partners. Usually, these women get married young and become obliging housewives. Often, these women turn out to be cleverer than their husbands. • Pear shaped breasts - Independent, willful and silly to some extent. At that, these characteristics help them to lead men by the nose. Marriage to one of these woman guarantees wonderful sex. • Triangular breasts – Are the most excitable and emancipated type. Nothing is forbidden in sex for them. They may have several sex partners a day. Women of this type usually become great actresses and masterly prostitutes. • Aubergine breasts (Um, that’d be like an eggplant, folks) - Are full of love and enjoy their life. They are nice in every sphere of life. They’re wonderfully suit for the position of a storehouse director (whatever the heck that means). But any men close to such a woman inevitably becomes a henpecked. • Silicone breasts - Good for romantic traveling for a couple of days, but never for having a family. Majority of women with silicone breasts are subject to serious psychological problems: diffidence, fear of competition and narcissism. Sex with these girls turns out to be formal and not sensual. At that, many of silicone girls have rather high IQ. (Thank heavens for that, huh? Oh, and remember, I’m just the messenger.) • Upstanding nipples are typical of generous, autocratic and dominating women. They love cunnilingus and position top on men. (Generous and dominating?) • Retracted small nipples reveal their owner is a calculating mind and is hiding her real intentions. These women believe there is nothing particular about sex but ready to fulfill any of men’s sex fantasies. • Rose-colored areolas indicate a woman is tender, hearty and kind. Swarthy skin around nipples mean a woman is passionate and adventurous. (Ah… swarthy… That’d be dark complected.) FIRST, WE KILL ALL THE LAWYERS The Romance Writers of America has ruled that the word “Tit” can’t be shown on the cover of any book they endorse, nor can depictions of female nipples or hands or lips on naked breasts. I guess that gets Fabio off the hook. According to the FCC, not only is baring a female nipple a violation of code, showing the underside of a female breast, even with the nipple covered, is as well. Were Janet’s nipples really worth all this? In 17th century Spain a woman could legally expose her tits to men besides her husband, but she had to keep her feet covered. In Brazil, no more than one bare female breast may legally be shown on any given page of a newspaper, magazine, book, or other publication. Uh, oh… Maybe I’d better go re-write our disclaimer. I wouldn’t swim topless in Georgetown, Guyana. That is unless you want to be punished with a coat of paint and left on the outskirts of town. In Great Britain, beating or otherwise torturing a woman’s breasts is legal so long as it's consensual, any marks or wounds last no longer than 10 minutes, and there is no piercing for pleasure. The Arizona Supreme Court has ruled that breasts aren’t private parts. Maybe I’ll reconsider that move to Washington State now. In Florida, you can’t kiss your wife’s breasts (good for up to 60 days in jail), you cannot shower naked, and, in Tampa, it’s illegal for women to expose their breasts while topless dancing. In Singapore you can’t walk around topless in your home since it is considered pornographic. Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores. O… K… You know, I just can’t top that one. |
|
